Learning to be a lover

Understanding your and your partner's sexual bodies reminds you that lovers are made, not born. Your ability to enjoy sex and make sex enjoyable for your partner is dependent on your confidence, comfort, awareness, psychosexual skills, sensitivity, imagination, and ability to communicate - all of which are a matter of learning and experience. You can increase your potential as a lover and learn how truly satisfying sex can be if you transform performance-oriented sex to pleasure-oriented sex. Sexuality integrates feelings about you as a man - including your body image, physical well-being, attitudes, emotions, behavior, values, and most important your relationship. Base your sexual expectations solidly on knowledge about your body while remembering that, at its essence, sexuality is an interpersonal process.

The best scientific data regarding couple sex - contrary to common media presentations - show that adults do not have a secret life of abundant sex. Among Americans between the ages of 18 and 59, one third have sex as often as twice a week, one third a few times a month, and one third a few times a year. The average frequency of intercourse is 6 - 7 times a month. There is a slight decline in frequency with aging, and yet sexual satisfaction increases with age, especially among serious and married couples. For 70% of couples, their sexual encounters (not just intercourse) last between 15 minutes and 1 hour each time.