Inhibited sexual desire

Inhibited sexual desire (ISD) is much more common for men than commonly believed. The most striking fact is that when couple sex stops, in over 90% of the cases it's the man's decision - made nonverbally and unilaterally. Not only does intercourse stop, but so does sensual, playful, and erotic touch. If sex doesn't involve intercourse, many men want to avoid all intimacy. When it's intercourse or nothing, nothing ultimately wins.

The major cause of male ISD is loss of comfort and confidence with erections. Sex has become a source of frustration and embarrassment, not pleasure. The essence of sexual desire is positive anticipation and the sense that you deserve to enjoy sex at this point in your life and in this relationship. This is replaced by the cycle of anticipatory anxiety, tense and performance-oriented intercourse, and increasing frequency of failures and eventually avoidance. The pass - fail perfect intercourse model subverts male sexual desire. You are only one failure from feeling like a sexual loser.

So how can the man (and the couple) revitalize sexual desire? The keys are to rebuild positive anticipation of sharing pleasure and eroticism; to value your partner as your intimate, erotic friend; to experiment with blending self-entrancement arousal, partner-interaction arousal, and role-enactment arousal; to change health behaviors so you have more sexual energy; to view intercourse as a natural continuation of erotic flow and a special erotic technique, not a pass - fail test; to emphasize a variable, flexible approach to couple sexuality; to utilize testosterone to enhance sexual desire; and to maintain a regular rhythm of sensual, playful, and erotic connection and intercourse.