Sexual compulsivity ("addiction") often involves a secretive variant arousal pattern while devaluing couple sex and presents a major dilemma. Sex drive, when not integrated well, leads to various forms of compulsive sexual behavior. Perhaps the most common manifestation is pornography misuse, or what is popularly called porn addiction. Other behaviors include excessive use of strip bars, lap dances, prostitution, swinging, massage parlors, and pick-up clubs. There is both an individual and a relationship dimension to compulsive sexual behavior. Usually the man denies that a problem exists and wants to keep his partner in the dark. This short-term strategy, taking the easy way out, usually backfires and the woman feels lied to and betrayed in addition to dealing with the hard issue of the secret arousal pattern.
Sexually compulsive men have significant difficulty forming close attachments and valuing relationship intimacy. As many as 95% of sexually compulsive men fear genuine intimacy, fear being "seen" or known; do not trust that genuine love can exist; and fear losing emotional control. The sexual compulsivity hides sadness, anger, and fear of being alone and crushes loving feelings.